How to deal with grief on Mother’s Day

While Mother’s Day is a lovely celebration for many, it can cause a tidal wave of grief for those who have lost their own mother figure, or for mothers who have lost a baby or child.

Bereavement counsellors from Treetops Hospice Care in Derbyshire shared advice on how to cope with the loss of a mother figure at this time.

“There are a number of things you can do on Mother’s Day. Remember to be gentle with yourself, and it is important to do what feels right for you,” Jules Kirk, Treetops Therapeutic Services Manager and Head of Children & Young Peoples Services, explains. 

Jules has the following advice for people experiencing grief around this time:  

• Acknowledge the day and its impact on you

  It is likely to be a more challenging day than normal.  Some people may want to be on their own, being quiet and reflective.  Others may want company and to share memories. It’s really important to simply do what feels right for you. 

• Be kind to yourself

  Give yourself permission to put yourself first.  Do something that you enjoy and remember that it’s ok to feel happy.  That could mean getting outside to the garden, walking, or cycling somewhere.   Alternatively you may prefer to stay in listening to music, reading or having a nice meal and a hot bath.

• Remember the person who has died

  There are many ways to remember your loved one.  You could light a candle, plant something in the garden, write your feelings down in a Mother’s Day card, or do something you used to enjoy doing together. If the pandemic makes this difficult, then online tributes can be a helpful way of reflecting on how much your loved one meant to you.  Perhaps post a Facebook message, a photo on Instagram, or share a video with family and friends.

• Involve children in discussions about plans for the day

  The same guidance can apply to children but you can also talk to them about plans for the day. Allow them to have different views and needs from you and from their siblings.