“At the hospice they just saw us as Peter and Steven”

When Steven Marsden-Lloyd’s husband was admitted to hospital with cancer, they felt self-conscious about being on a male ward. Here Steven shares his experience, and tells us about the care they received at St Catherine’s Hospice in Preston.

In 2016 Peter was admitted to hospital suffering from pins and needles in his hands. CTI scans showed that he had cancerous tumours on his spine and kidney, and later he was diagnosed with stage 3 renal cancer.  Despite an operation to remove most of the tumours, he never regained the use of his arms and legs.  

Steven describes this period as a “nightmare”, and says he was oblivious to the fact that Peter’s condition might be terminal.  “Looking back, we were being told that he didn’t have long to live, but I buried my head in the sand” he says.

A traumatic time

Their time in hospital was difficult – Peter was admitted to an all-male ward, and Steven didn’t feel comfortable to hug him or even hold his hand. “We were going through this traumatic journey, and we didn’t have the privacy for me to give him a hug. We probably could have done it, but I didn't feel comfortable about it in any shape or form.”

Steven emphasises that the hospital wasn’t necessarily at fault, as they had limits on space.  “I appreciate the issues hospitals have in terms of accommodation for patients. In fairness they had a bed that was off the ward in a private room that they moved Peter into for a couple of weeks until someone else needed it. So we were fortunate to have that period, when we were able to hold hands, and I could kiss his forehead and things like that, without feeling self-conscious about it.”

Once they were at St Catherine’s Hospice, Steven felt a lot more comfortable. “Our sexuality was never an issue from the day we arrived to the day Peter passed away. They treated us like any other couple” he says.

Personalised, inclusive care

 “I'll always remember our anniversary, because Peter had been in the hospice for about two weeks. They’d got him a wheelchair, and I turned up as normal at 9 o'clock to spend my day with him, but they kept the fact that his chair was coming a secret from me so they could surprise me with it and I could push him round the grounds, which was so nice.  They even decorated one of the family rooms with bunting, and gave us a cake and prosecco.”

“As far as the hospice is concerned, they couldn't have done anything more. Even in terms of the aftercare I got after Peter passed away, I received support and counselling and all sorts of things” he adds.

“It felt like it didn't matter if we were gay, straight or anything else, we were treated as individuals, as a couple regardless of our gender. That's the very nature of a hospice I think, the people who work there are so special and so genuinely caring about others that I don't think they even looked at us as a gay couple, I think they just saw us as Peter and Steven.”