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St Barnabas House in Worthing cared for Peter Pearce’s dad when it became too difficult for the family to meet his care needs. Here Peter explains how invaluable the hospice was in taking care of him before he died – so much that as a thank you he recently launched a prize draw offering people the chance to win his £1 million home, with a portion of the proceeds going to his local hospices.
Peter recalls that when he first found out his dad was ill, their lives quickly changed. “I vividly remember a day out with my dad. We had driven to Newhaven and in the middle of a normal conversation he became sad and reflective, and asked me if I thought people would miss him if he died.
“My first reaction was to laugh. We had a relationship where nothing was taken too seriously but after a few seconds I asked him if he was ill. He said that he wasn’t, and I thought no more about it. He looked well.
“A few weeks later my mum asked if I had noticed anything about dad’s eating habits. I hadn’t, but the next time I saw him, I thought he had lost a little weight. Then things started to change very quickly. I got a phone call from my sister to say that dad was ill, and that he wouldn’t see a doctor. I was shocked by his deterioration when I saw him, and managed to persuade him to see his GP. Within days he was sent for a consultation at Worthing Hospital and diagnosed with a tumour in his throat – it was oesophageal cancer.
“We were told it was inoperable and that he only had months to live. Anyone that has experienced this will know the words hit you like hammer blows. We found out that he had been having problems swallowing for a year but hadn’t told anyone. None of us understood why. The range of emotions we felt, from rage to despair, was overwhelming.”
Caring for a loved one
Peter’s dad had a course of chemotherapy, as well as the fitting of a food tube and blood transfusions. The family were supported by the NHS and a Macmillan nurse, who finally told him that he had days to live.
“Dad had expressed a wish to pass away at home,” Peter explains. “We wanted to respect his wishes, but as his needs increased, it became more difficult for us to care for him. At 2am one night he fell on my mum and she was trapped under him. I went to help, but then two hours later it happened again. I can still remember his weight in my arms. We all loved my father dearly, but we’re not nurses or carers, and we just hadn’t realised how difficult it would be.”
Peter’s sister Karon contacted St Barnabas House, and arranged for their dad to go to the hospice for the last few days of his life. Explaining what a relief this was, Peter says, “St Barnabas removed an impossible responsibility from our shoulders. Knowing that wonderful people were taking care of dad’s needs meant that we could just love him and be with him in his final days and hours.
Supporting the patient and their family
“If you haven’t visited a hospice like St Barnabas, you cannot possibly imagine how much they do for their patients. This is 24-hour care on a huge scale. The team there are simply amazing. Everything is geared towards supporting the patient and their family through the most difficult of times. Not only physical care, but spiritual support too – whatever you need.
“Dad was in St Barnabas for five days. In those last days of his life, he had moments of lucidity, no pain, and was able to see some old friends and relatives who wanted to reminisce and say goodbye. On the morning he passed, my mother, sister and I were with him.
“We all had a wonderful relationship with my dad, and even at the end of his life we shared a humorous moment. Dad was both careful with money and adamant that he didn’t want to go into a hospice. When we knew the time had come, we told him he was going into a convalescent home rather than a hospice. He woke up at St Barnabas and slowly looked around his room before asking my sister, ‘how much is this costing me?’
Giving back
“We laughed together, but the reality is that it costs a lot to run St Barnabas House. Patients and their families are never charged for their care. This is why I’m supporting St Barnabas House as well as the children’s hospice Chestnut Tree House, and named them as the charity beneficiary in the prize draw.”
Earlier this summer Peter launched the Dream Home Prize Draw to win his 4 bedroom home in West Sussex earlier. Tickets cost £2, and 10 per cent of all proceeds will be donated to the hospices.
Peter has owned the property for 20 years, and he sees the prize draw as a way to move on while potentially changing someone’s life with a new home, as well as giving something back to the hospice that cared for his dad.
“What hospices do, and the ways they support people like my dad and our family, is incredible” he adds. “I think we are very lucky to have them in our local community. We need to keep supporting them so that they can continue to be there for us, and our loved ones, now and in the future.”
More information
Did you know it takes 40,000 dedicated staff, 125,000 volunteers and 1.1 million home visits a year to provide end of life care? Next week (5 – 11 October) is Hospice Care Week, and to mark the week we’re sharing stories that highlight what it takes to give people and their families the care they need and deserve at the end of life.
- To find out how you can get involved visit Hospice Care Week 2020
